How and why did I start burning my own art?
After a weekend of experiencing the beautiful sacred Tibetan ritual of the Sand Mandala, I was so deeply moved and inspired by the idea of impermanence that I was inspired to burn some of my own artwork. I picked out a painting I had done, that I decided I could do better and burned him that night in our fire pit. I pulled out my camera phone and shared that moment. That was in August of 2017, it was a quiet moment, that ultimately 'fueled the fire' (so to speak) to make this an annual ritual event, which has become an important part of my creative journey as an artist.
I organized an art burning and invited some fellow creatives to join me the following year. I asked my friends at Jerks productions to film it, as this burn would be much bigger.
The paintings I chose had different reasons for being thrown into the fire. Closure and growth summarize what I felt after watching those pieces burn. I share a lot of my art, it's process, and my life on social media. By sharing my journey online I am connecting with and finding others who enjoy my art. No one would know that I was here creating art if I didn't share so openly. So, on August 17th 2018, I held my second ritual art burn. (Click to view the live video) I burned 28 paintings equaling, 17,697 square inches of painted surface. If I laid the canvases flat on the floor they would fill a 38’x38’ room with painted art. Here's a look at the pre-video we did, that shows the artwork more clearly.
After we burned art, the party continued. We ate, laughed, shared stories by the fire. It was a


Meanwhile, my art burning video was circulating around on Facebook. These videos were publicly shared live and had struck an emotional chord with total strangers. I looked at my phone, totally not prepared for the number of negative comments, hateful messages, and anger that I would receive, mostly from other artists. In the days after this art burning, my phone would load notification, after notification of just the worst possible opinions from total strangers. There were positive comments too. But, because I am human, my anxiety honed in on the sheer amount of negative ones. Especially from talented artists whose work I looked up to. Those were the comments that stung the most. I didn't sleep. I couldn't sleep. Every time I looked at my phone, all I saw was myself being shamed, for something I did, that hurt no one. I couldn't make sense of it. My anxiety was through the roof. After 9 days of no sleep, I became paranoid. I checked myself into the hospital, for my first ever stay in a mental health ward. My heart rate was elevated, loud noises caused me to panic. I became delusional. This was a full mental breakdown. I remained at the hospital for 9 days, where they eventually helped me sleep, and all my other symptoms resolved.
I've never had a mental breakdown before. I have constant anxiety, but I never thought this would happen to me. Our society treats talking about things like this as taboo. I am openly sharing this because it happened to me, and it can happen to anyone, for any number of reasons. Stress contributed to a sever reality distortion for me. I want people to be aware that being mean on the internet, has a cost. There is a human on the other end of your negativity. I should also note that going viral, isn't always necessarily a good thing, so be careful what you wish for. Now in the time since my mental breakdown. I have done lots of therapy. I've gained perspective and turned that entire experience into a positive one. I've also made art. A WHOLE LOT OF ART! I've been making art this entire time and I feel my artwork has gotten better.

Many of the same people from the 2018 burn, also attended the 2019 art burning. We once again, celebrated another year of creativity, making stuff, failures, growth, and making more stuff. The group had grown a bit, and we even had the added bonus of beautiful classical guitar music. After the burn, a luna moth showed up again, and here's why the symbolism meant so much to me. It didn't just happen once, it happened twice. Now, luna moths mate from April to August, so maybe it was just a coincidence, but the fact that they symbolize rebirth and renewal, and they've shown up after each burning, felt like a sign it was a sign from the universe.


If you follow me on Facebook, I'll share a live video. It'll just be me and the family, due to quarantine. But that's exactly the way that I think it should be this time around.
Burning my art is a cleansing, cathartic, part of my artistic process. I don't burn all my art. I explain in the videos why each piece that I choose meets its fate in the fire.
I'll share more about my experience at Burning man in future posts. I plan to get back to regularly posting here on Wednesdays. So keep an eye out for my posts! I'll finish this with a photo from the night of the temple burn last year.
